I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
