I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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