and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
