I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
