I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
