Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
