the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
