It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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