I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
