Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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