I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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