you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i will never coherently bang her
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
