What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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