I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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