Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
