dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
