K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
