I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
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