got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
