we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
