I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
