Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
