When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
