I wannas sexs uuuuu
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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