I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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