grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
