Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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