Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
