My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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