Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
