So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
