If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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