All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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