Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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