Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
