You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize