so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I supernannyed him into submission
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
