His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She bit a glass in half.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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