oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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