I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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