They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
