why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
