alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
