K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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