If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
