I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
