Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
