dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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