two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
