Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
