Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
