My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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