How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
