im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
