Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
