Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
