Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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