He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
