Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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