Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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