I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
