I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
