I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
