im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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