I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
3pm strippers are depressing
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
