this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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