so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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