why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Is it penis luge time yet?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
