just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
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my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
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A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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