Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
