Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you win again, gameday.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
