Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
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i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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