if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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