Quick, to the slutcave!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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