i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
