Nicole vs. Life
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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