I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
