her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
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I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
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guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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