You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
