I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
