Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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