Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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