a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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