at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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