Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
