She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
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I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
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It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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