Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
where does the pee come out of this thing
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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