Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
